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Dragons of Thuban To Ban The Falseness


    In Print...

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    SuiGeneris

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    In Print...

    Post  SuiGeneris on Wed Jun 02, 2010 7:59 pm

    In this thread you can post anything about your favorite books!!!

    I'll start with:


    The Genius Frequency!!!

    A word of caution is in order at this juncture: Contemplation is I-dentification. Contemplation is a most powerful tool of becoming. Indeed, you are and will be what you contemplate. Why waste your precious life in contemplation of any subject less than the grand truth that you are. You have become what you are through contemplating what you perceive yourself to be. Contemplation is a sacred process of God-Being manifesting desire through thought forms into life process of becoming. All creation is contemplated, for it is the essence of the desire to know and one cannot know until one becomes.

    Thus, if you contemplate limitations and death and self-serving power over life, you will find that you have relegated your being to a mere interloper of your own evolution and a harbinger of suffering. All who contemplate the same life scenario perpetrated by the altered-ego, regardless that they be the "haves" or "have-nots," share in the illusion accepted as the reality of death. Therefore, the appearance of good and evil and life and death is an illusion shared by those who contemplate it, giving it a personal reality, not a universal truth.

    The contemplation of fear and death and the lust for manipulating others is a closed system, which constitutes only the exercise in free choice by those too ignorant to know other choices. That which gives all life to all life cannot, nor will ever contemplate such a system. Therefore, those that do, starve themselves of themselves from the Light of THE ONE in the Mind of THE ONE. Yet even they shall never die. They gradually but surely lose their life force as they feed upon each other, consuming themselves until they eventually cry out, reaching out to the Light that gave them life. That time, in your time, is now.


    John J. Falone
    *****************************

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    Didymos

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    A Grand Statement Indeed

    Post  Didymos on Thu Jun 03, 2010 6:44 am

    A Grand Statement of and about Universal Truth Indeed.
    No further commentary required.
    Didymos
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    Allisiam

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    Jonathan Livingston Seagull

    Post  Allisiam on Sat Jun 05, 2010 4:39 pm


    Written by: neil diamond

    Lost
    On a painted sky
    Where the clouds are hung
    For the poet's eye
    You may find him
    If you may find him

    There
    On a distant shore
    By the wings of dreams
    Through an open door
    You may know him
    If you may

    Be
    As a page that aches for words
    Which speaks on a theme that's timeless
    While the sun God will make for your day
    Sing
    As a song in search of a voice that is silent
    And the one God will make for your way

    And we dance
    To a whispered voice
    Overheard by the sould
    Undertook by the heart
    And you may know it
    If you may know it

    While the sand
    Would become the stone
    Which begat the spark
    Turned to living bone
    Holy, holy
    Sanctus, sanctus

    Be
    As a page that aches for word
    Which speaks on a theme that is timeless
    While the sun God will make for your day
    Sing
    As a song in search of a voice that is silent
    And the one God will make for your day





    "The only true law is that which leads to freedom," Jonathan said. "There is no other."

    Don’t believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding.

    The gulls who scorn perfection for the sake of travel go nowhere, slowly. Those who put aside travel for the sake of perfection go anywhere, instantly.

    You will begin to touch heaven, Jonathan, in the moment that you touch perfect speed. And that isn't flying a thousand miles an hour, or a million, or flying at the speed of light. Because any number is a limit, and perfection doesn't have limits. Perfect speed, my son, is being there.
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    Allisiam

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    The Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot

    Post  Allisiam on Wed Jun 16, 2010 6:03 am






    Harnessing the Powers of the Holographic brain

    The Holographic Universe

    I sing the Body Holographic chapter




    Throughout this chapter two broad messages come through loud and clear. According to the holographic model, the mind/body ultimately cannot distinguish the difference between the neural holograms the brain uses to experience reality and the ones it conjures up while imagining reality. Both have a dramatic effect on the human organism, an effect so powerful that it can modulate the immune system, duplicate and/or negate the effects of potent drugs, heal wounds with amazing rapidity, melt tumors, override our genetic programming, and reshape our living flesh in ways that almost defy belief. This then is the first message: that each of us possesses the ability, at least at some level, to influence our health and control our physical form in ways that are nothing short of dazzling. We are all potential wonder workers, dormant yogis, and it is clear from the evidence presented in the preceding pages that it would behoove us both as individuals and as a species to devote a good deal more effort into exploring and harnessing these talents.

    The second message is that elements that go into the making of these neural holograms are many and subtle. They include the images upon which we meditate, our hopes and fears, the attitudes of our doctors, our unconscious prejudices, our individual and cultural beliefs, and our faith in things both spiritual and technological. More than just facts, these are important clues, signposts that point toward those things that we must become aware of and acquire mastery over if we are to learn how to unleash and manipulate these talents. There are, no doubt, other factors involved, other influences that shape and circumscribe these abilities, for one thing should now be obvious. In a holographic universe, a universe in which a slight change in attitude can mean the difference between life and death, in which things are so subtly interconnected that a dream can call forth the inexplicable appearance of a scarab beetle, and the factors responsible for an illness can also evoke a certain pattern in the lines and whorls of the hand, we have reason to suspect that each effect has multitudinous causes. Each linkage is the starting point of a dozen more, for in the words of Walt Whitman, “A vast similitude interlocks all.”
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    Inanna

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    Re: In Print...

    Post  Inanna on Thu Jun 17, 2010 11:32 am

    Sui and Allisiam--

    Great Picks, my Sisters! and Great Commentary/Amplification of these books as well! oh, and, Great Thread too, btw. and -- oh yea -- while i'm at it here ..... ya'll are Great Girls and Super Sisters and Dynamic Dragon-Queens with whom i'm proud-as-punch and hilariously happy to be associated!!! sunny

    with much love,

    Inanna Kali

    P.S. For anyone who loves in-depth historical scholarship as a natural companion to good writing in their "historical novels," you would most probably enjoy ANYTHING by Dorothy Dunnett (the "Queen" of historical fiction!). She has several series which ..... for true historical fiction afficionados ..... are very addictive reading. Action, romance, plots that often are true-to-history yet stranger-than-science fiction reward the serious reader with Bounty Aplenty!!! flower love, bobbi
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    SuiGeneris

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    Re: In Print...

    Post  SuiGeneris on Sat Jun 19, 2010 3:34 am

    In every Heart of Hearts there exists the Seed Atom. The LIGHT of that Seed Atom burns far brighter than the common light of your sun. It is the ultimate gift and it is powered by Super-Light. Therefore, each of you has the power to begin resonating with that frequency that draws upon unlimited power to heal. Yes, even the Universe! We do not ask that anyone should believe this message. We only ask that you contemplate these concepts in your Heart of Hearts so that the truth shall be personally revealed to you. For it is our wish that when it is, you are sufficiently prepared to begin your true work in Light.

    SuperLight is free from third dimensional chemical, gravitational, cyclical and other polarized, self-consuming factors of entropy. Therefore, SuperLight Beings are free from all bondage to three dimensional luminaries. This is also your heritage that you come back to remember time and time again. You return because you must free yourself by reversing th emanner in which you ensalaved yourselves. The Masters of Light, working with th eredemptive work with the Light across the threshold of death into th e"new heavens and new earth" - and a new sun. You do not have to die before this becomes a reality. You may do it now.

    Until you change your third dimensional biochemistry through transformational thought-forms of SuperLight, you shall remain in the magnetic bondage of common light to experience solar disintegration. Although much of this important work is accomplished in the sleep cycle, without direct interference with the sun's chemistry, it is easily undone as you burn and consume yourselves during the day.

    Perhaps you have wondered at this, too obvious, cycle of day and night recapitulating a birth/death cycle within a half-life of 12 segmented moments in time. Understand that in dimensions of SuperLight, day and night do not exist; entropy does not exist. Only infinite dimensions exist as a plurality in perfect unity with THE ONE.

    Your temporal bondage to the solar logos is so obvious and so repetitious that it escapes detection. Your third dimensional chemical bodies are active during the interaction of the sun's actions and processes, and seemingly inactive during its absence. Moreover, if you try to remain in the so-called waking state for more than a few cycles (days), profound consequences to the body are the result. Without a recharge of SuperLight the cells of the body, patterned after the solar system, must reflect the parent sun's self-consuming nature. Every solar upheaval is reflected in each cell; therefore each cell suffers disintegration. Contemplate this.

    During the sleep cycle your bio-chemical, as well as other energy bodies, are reguvenated by SuperLight, without which you would quickly perish. It would be wise, then, to engage in more conscious sleep work. That is, remembering and keeping an account of your dreams, as well as contemplating a high frequency thought-form, without losing focus, up to the moment of sleep state transition. This takes great discipline and the rewards are also great. "Normally" as you awake, the veils of light descend. The frequencies of SuperLight are instantly restricted and filtered, leaving a conscious awareness of only the common light frequencies. Thus, the above exercises are invaluable in maintaining a higher degree of SuperLight influenes during waking moments. Focus on the transition between dimensions.

    The Genius Frequency by JJF.

    *************************************************

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    Didymos

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    The Genius Frequency Defined!

    Post  Didymos on Sat Jun 19, 2010 11:00 am

    SuiGeneris wrote:In every Heart of Hearts there exists the Seed Atom. The LIGHT of that Seed Atom burns far brighter than the common light of your sun. It is the ultimate gift and it is powered by Super-Light. Therefore, each of you has the power to begin resonating with that frequency that draws upon unlimited power to heal. Yes, even the Universe! We do not ask that anyone should believe this message. We only ask that you contemplate these concepts in your Heart of Hearts so that the truth shall be personally revealed to you. For it is our wish that when it is, you are sufficiently prepared to begin your true work in Light.

    SuperLight is free from third dimensional chemical, gravitational, cyclical and other polarized, self-consuming factors of entropy. Therefore, SuperLight Beings are free from all bondage to three dimensional luminaries. This is also your heritage that you come back to remember time and time again. You return because you must free yourself by reversing th emanner in which you ensalaved yourselves. The Masters of Light, working with th eredemptive work with the Light across the threshold of death into th e"new heavens and new earth" - and a new sun. You do not have to die before this becomes a reality. You may do it now.

    Until you change your third dimensional biochemistry through transformational thought-forms of SuperLight, you shall remain in the magnetic bondage of common light to experience solar disintegration. Although much of this important work is accomplished in the sleep cycle, without direct interference with the sun's chemistry, it is easily undone as you burn and consume yourselves during the day.

    Perhaps you have wondered at this, too obvious, cycle of day and night recapitulating a birth/death cycle within a half-life of 12 segmented moments in time. Understand that in dimensions of SuperLight, day and night do not exist; entropy does not exist. Only infinite dimensions exist as a plurality in perfect unity with THE ONE.

    Your temporal bondage to the solar logos is so obvious and so repetitious that it escapes detection. Your third dimensional chemical bodies are active during the interaction of the sun's actions and processes, and seemingly inactive during its absence. Moreover, if you try to remain in the so-called waking state for more than a few cycles (days), profound consequences to the body are the result. Without a recharge of SuperLight the cells of the body, patterned after the solar system, must reflect the parent sun's self-consuming nature. Every solar upheaval is reflected in each cell; therefore each cell suffers disintegration. Contemplate this.

    During the sleep cycle your bio-chemical, as well as other energy bodies, are reguvenated by SuperLight, without which you would quickly perish. It would be wise, then, to engage in more conscious sleep work. That is, remembering and keeping an account of your dreams, as well as contemplating a high frequency thought-form, without losing focus, up to the moment of sleep state transition. This takes great discipline and the rewards are also great. "Normally" as you awake, the veils of light descend. The frequencies of SuperLight are instantly restricted and filtered, leaving a conscious awareness of only the common light frequencies. Thus, the above exercises are invaluable in maintaining a higher degree of SuperLight influenes during waking moments. Focus on the transition between dimensions.

    The Genius Frequency by JJF.

    *************************************************

    heart glitter






    The Genius Frequency Defined!


    Greetings from Home - May 29th, 2010

    Demarcation Point in the Evolution of Human

    This day marks a very special time in the advancement and evolution of the human animal on planet Earth. There are times of great change in the evolutionary cycles of every being, and everything that you believe is an entity. Of course, many of the living, breathing things humans do not consider to be alive actually are. Everything that you see around you, dear ones, is living and breathing in some way. You think of many of these objects as inanimate. You may pick up a sea shell on the beach and say it has no life-force energy, yet we tell you that it does or you would not be able to pick it up. If it were not alive and evolving, it would not exist within the vibrational range that you are attuned to that you call your world.

    Dear ones, today we wish to address you specifically because of this demarcation. This is the point where things are starting to change for your own physical bodies. We have spoken before about the re-wire of humanity. Each and every one of you is being re-wired energetically to carry more light on this planet than you ever have before. What we mean by that is simple: only a small portion of your real soul is in your physical body, though you have full attachment to all of it. You have access to every part of it through your higher self. That is the connection point that opens up the tiny little piece of you called the physical being, to the enormous part of who you really are. That connection is starting to change.

    Releasing the Templates

    We have spoken of this before, but we wish to recap it here as it is important to understand the overall process. Humans began the journey on Earth without physical bodies. You were here with what you considered to be angel bodies, or bodies of ethereal form without physical density. There also came a point at which you were not able to keep that connection, because you had to move into a denser form to house your spirit. That is when you first adapted the physical form on Earth. You are connected to her; she is connected to you. You are not new on this planet.

    Now having told you that, we can share with you that there was a long period when you had to transition from these ethereal bodies into this dense physicality. That was an evolution. Even though you were lowering your vibration at that point, it was a tremendous evolution for all of humanity and the events that were taking place on planet Earth. You are going through that same evolution right now. It is no secret, dear ones, you are again looking at raising your vibrations. But there was a time in your evolution that it was necessary to lower your vibration to take on these physical bodies. You did everything you could to try and put yourself into one of these bodies and then to try to find Home. You tried to find on the outside what you felt on the inside, to let your own spirit shine through that dense physical bubble of biology. Now you have begun to do that and your physical bodies are evolving themselves. Now, it is no secret to that eventually these bodies will turn back into light bodies, because you will no longer need the physical density. The transitions that you are starting to go through right now are huge.

    When you first came to planet Earth to assume these dense physical bodies, there were only 500 of you. Billions of souls inhabited planet Earth, but when you took the dense, physical bodies, only 500 of you decided to play the game in that fashion. So 500 physical human templates were created, and from that point on humans have been restricted to those original templates. That is what is changing and shifting, for you no longer need those templates. Let us explain.


    Comment by Bluey TonyLove:

    These 500 'elementary' humans define the 'Incarnated Creator' in holofractal manifestation. The quantum string parametric expression underpinning the 'self-birth' of the cosmos from its elementary pentagonal string symmetry of the Planck bosonic transformations under modular duality leads to the 'God-Equation: E*.e*=1 with the unit of the higher dimensional 'consciousness unit' as the 'precursor for 'spacetime measurement' itself.



    Platonic idealised quantum geometries crystallise a refined elementary particle structure of the standard model of particle physics in wavequarkian blueprints through an innate pentagonal supersymmetry connecting the microcosm of the quantum realm to the macrocosm of galaxies and their extended structures. Nature's 'sacred architecture' so assumes a powerful identity as the underpinning symmetry for the cosmos.

    This can be said to be embodied in a mathematical statement, known as Euler's Identity:


    e =XY=X+Y= i² =cos(π)+isin(π) = -1

    In the language of fundamental theoretical physics this identity then translates in the following formulations to define a universe of selfcreation in its inital- and boundary conditions:

    E*=kT*=hf*=hc/λ*=m*c²=1/e*

    for Unity-Condition

    E*.e*=1

    and where the Genius-Frequency of the Quantum of Love or the GodPhoton is also the Wormhole Frequency for the Creation as:

    fLove = E*/h = 1/e*h = 3,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Hertz

    for lightspeed invariance: (wavespeed=wavelengthxfrequency)


    λ*f* = c = RmaxHo


    with a nodal Hubble-Frequency Ho and a Hubble-Radius Rmax

    and where:

    E* = √{2πGome2/4.alpha.hc.e²}

    = melectron/(2e.√alpha.mPlanck) = 1/500 = 1/e*




    Fibonacci patterns are seen to manifest a hierarchy of superstrings, which can be observed and measured as Cosmic Ray spectra, linked to monopolic supercurrents of Cosmic Strings seeding the primordial universe.

    Today's mass-parametric universe is found to have a massless precursor, (as gravitational mass transmuting into inertial mass as the origin of the Equivalence Principle in General Relativity), defined in gauge symmetries of magnetocharged 'consciousness' quanta, which pervade a holographic universe as wormholes defining the Heisenberg Zero-Point-Energy metricated background.



    The templates have been very helpful for you. In your early growth as a species you needed strong and sturdy templates to ensure survival, especially with your repeating patterns of war. Now your spirit needs more room to grow and work in new ways. In response, your bodies can now re-lease the restricting images that once held your bodies’ highest image or possibility. Many of you have been fighting against these templates for years, which often causes problems because they do not hold your whole spirit any longer. Even so, the body is now adjusting to hold more of your spirit, more of your light, and more of your expression of who you really are in this lifetime without changing bodies. This has never happened before. There comes a time when you are re-leased from the old templates that used to hold your body, These templates are the base energy forms that the mater of your body formed around, for they held the perfect image of your body in its highest form. Let us explain that concept because it is important for you to understand.

    Importance of Inner Beauty

    The image of your physicality creates it. Today you hold your own image in your mind, but in the beginning of life these images are produced by the template itself, then pass to your primary parental contract and on to you. The image changes only when you override the original template with your beliefs or your desires. Even so, it would only change so much and that was a restriction of the template itself. The highest image is stored as part of this template. Similar to DNA, the body looks at this image every time it re-creates itself. We say this because even when you release these templates your body will still look for this image, and that is why it is becoming more important for you to see your true inner beauty.

    Your inner beauty is what you hold in your mind. We hope you think about this the next time you look in the mirror, and all your attention goes to your problems, physical challenges or imperfections. Your human nature is to focus on those imperfections. Instead, learn to see beauty in that mirror and your new body template will form around that image. When you see your true beauty and walk in that image, it will now allow you to begin re-leasing the old templates.

    That is what is actually taking place and we call it a demarcation point. As you go forward, you are re-leasing the templates that helped you hold your image. In any creation throughout the universe whether it is living, breathing or what you call inanimate, it does not make any difference. Everything is living and breathing, because otherwise they would not exist in your world. Yet it is very difficult concept for you to grasp or to interact on that level, for that is one of the things that is absolutely changing on this planet. There will come a time when you will be able to talk to your stapler because it is not working. You will be able to communicate on different levels that you have never been able to do before, because your understanding is no longer limited in the same way it was before. The new capabilities of carrying more of your spirit in your body is absolutely in front of you right now.

    The Line Between Life and Death

    We also wish to caution you here, for you will see people leaving the planet. We have told you this before and it is no secret. As you move from one age into the next, there will be many of you who decide not to stay. It is not right or wrong, it simply means that you are going to re-cycle your energy and come back in a new form. During this time when your original templates are removed the veil is thinner, but also that line between life and death is much more vulnerable and fragile. For this reason, you will hear stories of people who die for apparently no reason. They will be in perfect health one day, then maybe catch a cold or something else, and all of a sudden leave. The template that you are holding, that one of the original 500 templates that you chose for this particular lifetime, is no longer holding your energy. It is no longer protecting you, and because of that the line between life and death in the physical form is much closer than you have experienced before.

    We are not telling you to be careful. That would be the worst thing you could do, because if you walk around trying to protect yourself you will most certainly bring catastrophe on yourself for that is your thought…not to do something. The universe does not hear the word “not” and simply moves past it. When you speak in universal terms, energy forms around the energy framework of those words. Many of you hold visions of body types that you see in magazines. Before you start changing, and many of your physical bodies will start changing very rapidly from this point forward, we ask you first to look at all the exciting things that you believe are happening, Look at this body you have today, because you are seeing it for the first time without any template.

    Inner Beauty

    One of the first keys that we want to work with you on is finding your own inner beauty. The word beauty, of course, is very subjective and varies greatly from one person to another. Yet, there is a pure beauty of Home that each one of you carries here and will express in some fashion. Now that those templates are no longer going to restrict you in the way they have before, you can start to see more of your own inner beauty. That is new, for it has always been hidden from you. It is part of the reason why all your attention goes to what you consider to be defects or flaws in your appearance, rather than toward seeing your true beauty.

    Your true beauty has been hidden from you for a lot of reasons. It was through your own choice that you did this, because you were afraid that your egos would get in the way and block you. None of those restrictions apply any longer, so you can start to see your own true inner beauty, that part of Home and heaven that you carry within your physical body. Your inner beauty will start to show and shine through each and every one of you. As we talk about beauty the physical changes and that you are now going to create your own templates, we ask you to do so with one thing in mind. Please do not focus on pictures in magazines, and instead learn to see the beauty in the smile on your face. Now is the time and many of your physical bodies will start to experience changes that are unexplained.

    As the templates begin to re-lease, know that the line between life and death becomes very thin. In fact, many of you are closer to the edge what you call death than you realize at this very moment. That is not wrong but it is simply going to be the new path of humans. Because of the templates, when you wanted to go Home it was not possible to do so very quickly. It took a long time to line up all 11 dimensions to to point at which you could leave as one and return as one soul, but that is what is changing now. It is the reason that life, death, and the line between the two is now getting closer to many of us. All of you on planet Earth carrying a physical body will not only have new capabilities now, but you will also have vulnerabilities. Do not fear these or worry about them. We want to make you aware of them not only in your own world, but because you will see evidence around you. You are going to start seeing the physical human change very rapidly from this day forward.

    What Will the New Bodies Look Like?

    Now you are asking, “What does a new body look like? What are the new templates going to look like? What are the physical changes that are going to happen as you move and create these new templates?” We are asking you the same question because we cannot tell you where you are going, dear ones. We do not see the future, because you have not written it yet.

    This has never happened before anywhere throughout All That Is. Because it has never taken place, the excitement throughout the universe is all focused on planet Earth to watch the miracles of the re-birth of humanity on a single planet. This is getting exciting beyond your understanding on a cosmic level. On a creator level, it is also going to be quite exciting, yet difficult and challenging at times.

    That is the human way; it is how you learn things. That is how you adapt and that is how you often create, so we are giving you some visuals, ideas and concepts to consider. If it resonates in your heart, hold that image and it will happen. If it does not, choose your own image. Please do not follow our words if they do not resonate in your heart, for that is your choice and that is at the base of your power. Do not call it right or wrong; do not worry about identifying a label, especially a label that was only good in a field of duality. Your world is changing around you and now your physical bodies are starting to adapt to make that change and evolve you to the next level.

    This next level that you are going through right now will help you to amplify the light that you carry at least 12 times in the same physical form. The only thing that is necessary here is to re-lease the bonds, those boundaries that helped you create this image. Those boundaries were your physical template, the body types that have existed on planet Earth since you first took physical form. Now that is changing and the excitement is unbelievable throughout the universe. All eyes are on humanity. The game was to be over, and it would have been ending on planet Earth between 2000 and 2012 So, right about now there would be very few people left on planet Earth and you would be in some of the most difficult situations of survival on this planet. But that is not the case, for you have already shifted the outcome. Now you are adjusting your physical bodies and the Earth is giving birth to allow for a new form of human. Everything is changing to allow more of your god-self in these physical forms and that is exciting. Now how do you take the next step and how do we help you? We cannot. We have never played the game of being human. We can tell you what is coming, but we are relying on you to help each other. We are relying on you to tell one other and connect that information, because that will make it easier for everyone who follows that path. It will make it easier for everyone to know who they really are and what their gifts are on this planet.

    It is a magical time taking place on planet Earth that is beginning today. It has been happening slowly, but from this point forward you will see physical changes that you have not seen before. It is exactly what you have asked for and you deserve every moment of it, dear ones.

    Some of you are wondering whether you are in the right place or whether this resonates with you, but you scripted this long ago. There were only so many bodies that could fit on planet Earth at this exact time, and the reason you are here is because you have something very important to give. You have a part of Home that you brought, and although it has been hidden from most of you and you have not been able to find it yourselves, that is about to change. So how do you find your inner beauty? How do you take that next step? You help someone else find their beauty. You reflect it first and then learn how to be the light, because there are two ways of working with light: you can be the light or you can reflect the light. Both are incredible gifts of lightwork on this planet.

    Dear ones, we see the struggles you go through. If it were possible for us to remove the veil for just a moment for you to really see who you are, it would be magical and life would be very easy for you. The problem is that if we did that, most of you would go Home and you would not be here playing the game. You have agreed to put on the veil and pretend to be a human, bumping around and finding your way. We are here to cheer you on and to share with you how beautiful you really are. Dear ones, like proud parents, we could not be prouder of the planet that we watch over. Planet Earth is very much a part of our lives, although we have never taken a physical form to be able to be where you are and feel what you feel. You are the masters of the gameboard. You are the ones who have dared to take off your wings to be here, to have a human experience and we wish you all the best. We wish you all the most beautiful human experience you can have.

    We leave you with three little reminders. Treat each other with the greatest respect. Look in each other’s eyes and find that inner beauty. Nurture one another every chance you get and play well together.

    Espavo.
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    SuiGeneris

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    Re: In Print...

    Post  SuiGeneris on Sat Jun 19, 2010 6:55 pm



    The person of superior integrity
    does not insist upon his integrity;
    For this reason, he has integrity.
    The person of inferior integrity
    never loses sight of his integrity;
    For this reason, he lacks integrity.

    The person of superior integrity takes no action,
    nor has he a purpose for acting.
    The person of superior humaneness takes action,
    but has no purpose for acting.
    The person of superior righteousness takes action,
    and has a purpose for acting.
    The person of superior etiquette takes action,
    but others do not respond to him;
    Whereupon he rolls up his sleeves
    and coerces them.

    Therefore,
    When the Way is lost.
    afterward comes integrity.
    When integrity is lost,
    afterward comes humaneness.
    When humaneness is lost,
    afterward comes righteousness.
    When righteousness is lost,
    afterward comes etiquette.

    Now,
    Etiquette is the attenuation of trustworthiness,
    and the source of disorder.
    Foreknowledge is but the blossomy ornament of the Way,
    and the source of ignorance.

    For this reason,
    The great man resides in substance,
    not in attenuation.
    He resides in fruitful reality,
    not in blossomy ornament.
    Therefore,
    He rejects the one and adopts the other.


    Lao Tzu


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    "Because of a great love, one is courageous" Lao Tzu
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    SuiGeneris

    Posts : 995
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    Location : Gaia

    Twilight ღ

    Post  SuiGeneris on Mon Oct 03, 2011 4:02 am



    The Story behind Twilight
    I woke up (on that June 2nd) from a very vivid dream. In my dream, two people were having an intense conversation in a meadow in the woods. One of these people was just your average girl. The other person was fantastically beautiful, sparkly, and a vampire. They were discussing the difficulties inherent in the facts that A) they were falling in love with each other while B) the vampire was particularly attracted to the scent of her blood, and was having a difficult time restraining himself from killing her immediately. For what is essentially a transcript of my dream, please see Chapter 13 ("Confessions") of the book.

    Stephenie Meyer

    http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/twilight.html



    Chapter 13: Confessions


    Edward in the sunlight was shocking. I couldn't get used to it, though I'd been
    staring at him all afternoon. His skin, white despite the faint flush from
    yesterday's hunting trip, literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny diamonds were
    embedded in the surface. He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over
    his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare. His glistening, pale
    lavender lids were shut, though of course he didn't sleep. A perfect statue, carved
    in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like crystal.
    Now and then, his lips would move, so fast it looked like they were trembling.
    But, when I asked, he told me he was singing to himself; it was too low for me to
    hear.
    I enjoyed the sun, too, though the air wasn't quite dry enough for my taste. I
    would have liked to lie back, as he did, and let the sun warm my face. But I
    stayed curled up, my chin resting on my knees, unwilling to take my eyes off
    him. The wind was gentle; it tangled my hair and ruffled the grass that swayed
    around his motionless form.
    The meadow, so spectacular to me at first, paled next to his magnificence.
    Hesitantly, always afraid, even now, that he would disappear like a mirage, too
    beautiful to be real… hesitantly, I reached out one finger and stroked the back of
    his shimmering hand, where it lay within my reach. I marveled again at the
    perfect texture, satin smooth, cool as stone. When I looked up again, his eyes
    were open, watching me. Butterscotch today, lighter, warmer after hunting. His
    quick smile turned up the corners of his flawless lips.
    "I don't scare you?" he asked playfully, but I could hear the real curiosity in his
    soft voice.
    "No more than usual."
    He smiled wider; his teeth flashed in the sun.
    I inched closer, stretched out my whole hand now to trace the contours of his
    forearm with my fingertips. I saw that my fingers trembled, and knew it wouldn't
    escape his notice.
    "Do you mind?" I asked, for he had closed his eyes again.
    "No," he said without opening his eyes. "You can't imagine how that feels." He
    sighed.
    I lightly trailed my hand over the perfect muscles of his arm, followed the faint
    pattern of bluish veins inside the crease at his elbow. With my other hand, I
    reached to turn his hand over. Realizing what I wished, he flipped his palm up in
    one of those blindingly fast, disconcerting movements of his. It startled me; my
    fingers froze on his arm for a brief second.
    "Sorry," he murmured. I looked up in time to see his golden eyes close again.
    "It's too easy to be myself with you."
    I lifted his hand, turning it this way and that as I watched the sun glitter on his
    palm. I held it closer to my face, trying to see the hidden facets in his skin.
    "Tell me what you're thinking," he whispered. I looked to see his eyes watching
    me, suddenly intent. "It's still so strange for me, not knowing."
    "You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time."
    "It's a hard life." Did I imagine the hint of regret in his tone? "But you didn't tell
    me."
    "I was wishing I could know what you were thinking…" I hesitated.
    "And?"
    "I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I
    wasn't afraid."
    "I don't want you to be afraid." His voice was just a soft murmur. I heard what he
    couldn't truthfully say, that I didn't need to be afraid, that there was nothing to
    fear.
    "Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that's certainly something to
    think about."
    So quickly that I missed his movement, he was half sitting, propped up on his
    right arm, his left palm still in my hands. His angel's face was only a few inches
    from mine. I might have — should have — flinched away from his unexpected
    closeness, but I was unable to move. His golden eyes mesmerized me.
    "What are you afraid of, then?" he whispered intently.
    But I couldn't answer. As I had just that once before, I smelled his cool breath in
    my face. Sweet, delicious, the scent made my mouth water. It was unlike
    anything else. Instinctively, unthinkingly, I leaned closer, inhaling.
    And he was gone, his hand ripped from mine. In the time it took my eyes to
    focus, he was twenty feet away, standing at the edge of the small meadow, in the
    deep shade of a huge fir tree. He stared at me, his eyes dark in the shadows, his
    expression unreadable.
    I could feel the hurt and shock on my face. My empty hands stung.
    "I'm… sorry… Edward," I whispered. I knew he could hear.
    "Give me a moment," he called, just loud enough for my less sensitive ears. I sat
    very still.
    After ten incredibly long seconds, he walked back, slowly for him. He stopped,
    still several feet away, and sank gracefully to the ground, crossing his legs. His
    eyes never left mine. He took two deep breaths, and then smiled in apology.
    "I am so very sorry." He hesitated. "Would you understand what I meant if I said
    I was only human?"
    I nodded once, not quite able to smile at his joke. Adrenaline pulsed through my
    veins as the realization of danger slowly sank in. He could smell that from where
    he sat. His smile turned mocking.
    "I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in —
    my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that!" Unexpectedly, he
    was on his feet, bounding away, instantly out of sight, only to appear beneath the
    same tree as before, having circled the meadow in half a second.
    "As if you could outrun me," he laughed bitterly.
    He reached up with one hand and, with a deafening crack, effortlessly ripped a
    two-foot-thick branch from the trunk of the spruce. He balanced it in that hand
    for a moment, and then threw it with blinding speed, shattering it against another
    huge tree, which shook and trembled at the blow.
    And he was in front of me again, standing two feet away, still as a stone.
    "As if you could fight me off," he said gently.
    I sat without moving, more frightened of him than I had ever been. I'd never seen
    him so completely freed of that carefully cultivated facade. He'd never been less
    human… or more beautiful. Face ashen, eyes wide, I sat like a bird locked in the
    eyes of a snake.
    His lovely eyes seem to glow with rash excitement. Then, as the seconds passed,
    they dimmed. His expression slowly folded into a mask of ancient sadness.
    "Don't be afraid," he murmured, his velvet voice unintentionally seductive. "I
    promise…" He hesitated. "I swear not to hurt you." He seemed more concerned
    with convincing himself than me.
    "Don't be afraid," he whispered again as he stepped closer, with exaggerated
    slowness. He sat sinuously, with deliberately unhurried movements, till our faces
    were on the same level, just a foot apart.
    "Please forgive me," he said formally. "I can control myself. You caught me off
    guard. But I'm on my best behavior now."
    He waited, but I still couldn't speak.
    "I'm not thirsty today, honestly." He winked.
    At that I had to laugh, though the sound was shaky and breathless.
    "Are you all right?" he asked tenderly, reaching out slowly, carefully, to place
    his marble hand back in mine.
    I looked at his smooth, cold hand, and then at his eyes. They were soft,
    repentant. I looked back at his hand, and then deliberately returned to tracing the
    lines in his hand with my fingertip. I looked up and smiled timidly.
    His answering smile was dazzling.
    "So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?" he asked in the gentle
    cadences of an earlier century.
    "I honestly can't remember."
    He smiled, but his face was ashamed. "I think we were talking about why you
    were afraid, besides the obvious reason."
    "Oh, right."
    "Well?"
    I looked down at his hand and doodled aimlessly across his smooth, iridescent
    palm. The seconds ticked by.
    "How easily frustrated I am," he sighed. I looked into his eyes, abruptly grasping
    that this was every bit as new to him as it was to me. As many years of
    unfathomable experience as he had, this was hard for him, too. I took courage
    from that thought.
    "I was afraid… because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't stay with you. And
    I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should." I looked down
    at his hands as I spoke. It was difficult for me to say this aloud.
    "Yes," he agreed slowly. "That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to
    be with me. That's really not in your best interest."
    I frowned.
    "I should have left long ago," he sighed. "I should leave now. But I don't know if
    I can."
    "I don't want you to leave," I mumbled pathetically, staring down again.
    "Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish
    creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should."
    "I'm glad."
    "Don't be!" He withdrew his hand, more gently this time; his voice was harsher
    than usual. Harsh for him, still more beautiful than any human voice. It was hard
    to keep up — his sudden mood changes left me always a step behind, dazed.
    "It's not only your company I crave! Never forget that. Never forget I am more
    dangerous to you than I am to anyone else." He stopped, and I looked to see him
    gazing unseeingly into the forest.
    I thought for a moment.
    "I don't think I understand exactly what you mean — by that last part anyway," I
    said.
    He looked back at me and smiled, his mood shifting yet again.
    "How do I explain?" he mused. "And without frightening you again…
    hmmmm." Without seeming to think about it, he placed his hand back in mine; I
    held it tightly in both of mine. He looked at our hands.
    "That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth." He sighed.
    A moment passed as he assembled his thoughts.
    "You know how everyone enjoys different flavors?" he began. "Some people
    love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry?"
    I nodded.
    "Sorry about the food analogy — I couldn't think of another way to explain."
    I smiled. He smiled ruefully back.
    "You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an
    alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if
    he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that
    room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac — and filled
    the room with its warm aroma — how do you think he would fare then?"
    We sat silently, looking into each other's eyes — trying to read each other's
    thoughts.
    He broke the silence first.
    "Maybe that's not the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down
    the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead."
    "So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?" I teased, trying to lighten
    the mood.
    He smiled swiftly, seeming to appreciate my effort. "Yes, you are exactly my
    brand of heroin."
    "Does that happen often?" I asked.
    He looked across the treetops, thinking through his response.
    "I spoke to my brothers about it." He still stared into the distance. "To Jasper,
    every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a
    struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the
    differences in smell, in flavor." He glanced swiftly at me, his expression
    apologetic.
    "Sorry," he said.
    "I don't mind. Please don't worry about offending me, or frightening me, or
    whichever. That's the way you think. I can understand, or I can try to at least.
    Just explain however you can."
    He took a deep breath and gazed at the sky again.
    "So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as" — he
    hesitated, looking for the right word — "appealing as you are to me. Which
    makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he
    understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other."
    "And for you?"
    "Never."
    The word hung there for a moment in the warm breeze.
    "What did Emmett do?" I asked to break the silence.
    It was the wrong question to ask. His face grew dark, his hand clenched into a
    fist inside mine. He looked away. I waited, but he wasn't going to answer.
    "I guess I know," I finally said.
    He lifted his eyes; his expression was wistful, pleading.
    "Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?"
    "What are you asking? My permission?" My voice was sharper than I'd intended.
    I tried to make my tone kinder — I could guess what his honesty must cost him.
    "I mean, is there no hope, then?" How calmly I could discuss my own death!
    "No, no!" He was instantly contrite. "Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I
    won't…" He left the sentence hanging. His eyes burned into mine. "It's different
    for us. Emmett… these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time
    ago, and he wasn't as… practiced, as careful, as he is now."
    He fell silent and watched me intently as I thought it through.
    "So if we'd met… oh, in a dark alley or something…" I trailed off.
    "It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of
    children and —" He stopped abruptly, looking away. "When you walked past
    me, I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there.
    If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn't
    have been able to stop myself." He paused, scowling at the trees.
    He glanced at me grimly, both of us remembering. "You must have thought I
    was possessed."
    "I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly…"
    "To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my
    own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin… I thought it
    would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred
    different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought
    them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out,
    to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow…"
    He looked up then at my staggered expression as I tried to absorb his bitter
    memories. His golden eyes scorched from under his lashes, hypnotic and deadly.
    "You would have come," he promised.
    I tried to speak calmly. "Without a doubt."
    He frowned down at my hands, releasing me from the force of his stare. "And
    then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you
    were there — in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very
    nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there — so easily
    dealt with."
    I shivered in the warm sun, seeing my memories anew through his eyes, only
    now grasping the danger. Poor Ms. Cope; I shivered again at how close I'd come
    to being inadvertently responsible for her death.
    "But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself not to wait for you, not to
    follow you from the school. It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you
    anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home
    — I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something
    was very wrong — and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him
    I was leaving."
    I stared in surprise.
    "I traded cars with him — he had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to stop. I
    didn't dare to go home, to face Esme. She wouldn't have let me go without a
    scene. She would have tried to convince me that it wasn't necessary…"
    "By the next morning I was in Alaska." He sounded ashamed, as if admitting a
    great cowardice. "I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances… but I
    was homesick. I hated knowing I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted
    family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe you were so
    irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with
    temptation before, not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who
    were you, an insignificant little girl" — he grinned suddenly — "to chase me
    from the place I wanted to be? So I came back…" He stared off into space.
    I couldn't speak.
    "I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I
    was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was
    arrogant about it."
    "It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts
    to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such
    circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind… her mind isn't
    very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't
    know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating." He
    frowned at the memory.
    "I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk
    with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher
    some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in
    your expressions… and every now and then you would stir the air with your
    hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again…"
    "Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I
    thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment — because if
    I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't
    think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only
    thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her.'"
    He closed his eyes, lost in his agonized confession. I listened, more eager than
    rational. Common sense told me I should be terrified. Instead, I was relieved to
    finally understand. And I was filled with compassion for his suffering, even now,
    as he confessed his craving to take my life.
    I finally was able to speak, though my voice was faint. "In the hospital?"
    His eyes flashed up to mine. "I was appalled. I couldn't believe I had put us in
    danger after all, put myself in your power — you of all people. As if I needed
    another motive to kill you." We both flinched as that word slipped out. "But it
    had the opposite effect," he continued quickly. "I fought with Rosalie, Emmett,
    and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time… the worst fight we've
    ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice." He grimaced when he said her
    name. I couldn't imagine why. "Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to
    stay." He shook his head indulgently.
    "All that next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to,
    shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I
    couldn't become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from
    you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your
    hair… it hit me as hard as the very first day."
    He met my eyes again, and they were surprisingly tender.
    "And for all that," he continued, "I'd have fared better if I had exposed us all at
    that first moment, than if now, here — with no witnesses and nothing to stop me
    — I were to hurt you."
    I was human enough to have to ask. "Why?"
    "Isabella." He pronounced my full name carefully, then playfully ruffled my hair
    with his free hand. A shock ran through my body at his casual touch. "Bella, I
    couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured
    me." He looked down, ashamed again. "The thought of you, still, white, cold…
    to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your
    eyes when you see through my pretenses… it would be unendurable." He lifted
    his glorious, agonized eyes to mine. "You are the most important thing to me
    now. The most important thing to me ever."
    My head was spinning at the rapid change in direction our conversation had
    taken. From the cheerful topic of my impending demise, we were suddenly
    declaring ourselves. He waited, and even though I looked down to study our
    hands between us, I knew his golden eyes were on me. "You already know how I
    feel, of course," I finally said. "I'm here… which, roughly translated, means I
    would rather die than stay away from you." I frowned. "I'm an idiot."
    "You are an idiot," he agreed with a laugh. Our eyes met, and I laughed, too. We
    laughed together at the idiocy and sheer impossibility of such a moment.
    "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" he murmured. I looked away,
    hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word.
    "What a stupid lamb," I sighed.
    "What a sick, masochistic lion." He stared into the shadowy forest for a long
    moment, and I wondered where his thoughts had taken him.
    "Why… ?" I began, and then paused, not sure how to continue.
    He looked at me and smiled; sunlight glinted off his face, his teeth.
    "Yes?"
    "Tell me why you ran from me before."
    His smile faded. "You know why."
    "No, I mean, exactly what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see,
    so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This, for example" — I stroked the
    back of his hand — "seems to be all right."
    He smiled again. "You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault."
    "But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you."
    "Well…" He contemplated for a moment. "It was just how close you were. Most
    humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness… I wasn't
    expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your throat." He stopped short,
    looking to see if he'd upset me.
    "Okay, then," I said flippantly, trying to alleviate the suddenly tense atmosphere.
    I tucked my chin. "No throat exposure."
    It worked; he laughed. "No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else."
    He raised his free hand and placed it gently on the side of my neck. I sat very
    still, the chill of his touch a natural warning — a warning telling me to be
    terrified. But there was no feeling of fear in me. There were, however, other
    feelings…
    "You see," he said. "Perfectly fine."
    My blood was racing, and I wished I could slow it, sensing that this must make
    everything so much more difficult — the thudding of my pulse in my veins.
    Surely he could hear it.
    "The blush on your cheeks is lovely," he murmured. He gently freed his other
    hand. My hands fell limply into my lap. Softly he brushed my cheek, then held
    my face between his marble hands.
    "Be very still," he whispered, as if I wasn't already frozen.
    Slowly, never moving his eyes from mine, he leaned toward me. Then abruptly,
    but very gently, he rested his cold cheek against the hollow at the base of my
    throat. I was quite unable to move, even if I'd wanted to. I listened to the sound
    of his even breathing, watching the sun and wind play in his bronze hair, more
    human than any other part of him.
    With deliberate slowness, his hands slid down the sides of my neck. I shivered,
    and I heard him catch his breath. But his hands didn't pause as they softly moved
    to my shoulders, and then stopped.
    His face drifted to the side, his nose skimming across my collarbone. He came to
    rest with the side of his face pressed tenderly against my chest.
    Listening to my heart.
    "Ah," he sighed.
    I don't know how long we sat without moving. It could have been hours.
    Eventually the throb of my pulse quieted, but he didn't move or speak again as
    he held me. I knew at any moment it could be too much, and my life could end
    — so quickly that I might not even notice. And I couldn't make myself be afraid.
    I couldn't think of anything, except that he was touching me.
    And then, too soon, he released me.
    His eyes were peaceful.
    "It won't be so hard again," he said with satisfaction.
    "Was that very hard for you?"
    "Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?"
    "No, it wasn't bad… for me."
    He smiled at my inflection. "You know what I mean."
    I smiled.
    "Here." He took my hand and placed it against his cheek. "Do you feel how
    warm it is?"
    And it was almost warm, his usually icy skin. But I barely noticed, for I was
    touching his face, something I'd dreamed of constantly since the first day I'd seen
    him.
    "Don't move," I whispered.
    No one could be still like Edward. He closed his eyes and became as immobile
    as stone, a carving under my hand.
    I moved even more slowly than he had, careful not to make one unexpected
    move. I caressed his cheek, delicately stroked his eyelid, the purple shadow in
    the hollow under his eye. I traced the shape of his perfect nose, and then, so
    carefully, his flawless lips. His lips parted under my hand, and I could feel his
    cool breath on my fingertips. I wanted to lean in, to inhale the scent of him. So I
    dropped my hand and leaned away, not wanting to push him too far.
    He opened his eyes, and they were hungry. Not in a way to make me fear, but
    rather to tighten the muscles in the pit of my stomach and send my pulse
    hammering through my veins again.
    "I wish," he whispered, "I wish you could feel the… complexity… the
    confusion… I feel. That you could understand."
    He raised his hand to my hair, then carefully brushed it across my face.
    "Tell me," I breathed.
    "I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger — the thirst —
    that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand
    that, to an extent. Though" — he half-smiled — "as you are not addicted to any
    illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely."
    "But…" His fingers touched my lips lightly, making me shiver again. "There are
    other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."
    "I may understand that better than you think."
    "I'm not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?"
    "For me?" I paused. "No, never. Never before this."
    He held my hands between his. They felt so feeble in his iron strength.
    "I don't know how to be close to you," he admitted. "I don't know if I can."
    I leaned forward very slowly, cautioning him with my eyes. I placed my cheek
    against his stone chest. I could hear his breath, and nothing else.
    "This is enough," I sighed, closing my eyes.
    In a very human gesture, he put his arms around me and pressed his face against
    my hair.
    "You're better at this than you give yourself credit for," I noted.
    "I have human instincts — they may be buried deep, but they're there."
    We sat like that for another immeasurable moment; I wondered if he could be as
    unwilling to move as I was. But I could see the light was fading, the shadows of
    the forest beginning to touch us, and I sighed.
    "You have to go."
    "I thought you couldn't read my mind."
    "It's getting clearer." I could hear a smile in his voice.
    He took my shoulders and I looked into his face.
    "Can I show you something?" he asked, sudden excitement flaring in his eyes.
    "Show me what?"
    "I'll show you how I travel in the forest." He saw my expression. "Don't worry,
    you'll be very safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster." His mouth twitched
    up into that crooked smile so beautiful my heart nearly stopped.
    "Will you turn into a bat?" I asked warily.
    He laughed, louder than I'd ever heard. "Like I haven't heard that one before!"
    "Right, I'm sure you get that all the time."
    "Come on, little coward, climb on my back."
    I waited to see if he was kidding, but, apparently, he meant it. He smiled as he
    read my hesitation, and reached for me. My heart reacted; even though he
    couldn't hear my thoughts, my pulse always gave me away. He then proceeded to
    sling me onto his back, with very little effort on my part, besides, when in place,
    clamping my legs and arms so tightly around him that it would choke a normal
    person. It was like clinging to a stone.
    "I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack," I warned.
    "Hah!" he snorted. I could almost hear his eyes rolling. I'd never seen him in
    such high spirits before.
    He startled me, suddenly grabbing my hand, pressing my palm to his face, and
    inhaling deeply.
    "Easier all the time," he muttered.
    And then he was running.
    If I'd ever feared death before in his presence, it was nothing compared to how I
    felt now.
    He streaked through the dark, thick underbrush of the forest like a bullet, like a
    ghost. There was no sound, no evidence that his feet touched the earth. His
    breathing never changed, never indicated any effort. But the trees flew by at
    deadly speeds, always missing us by inches.
    I was too terrified to close my eyes, though the cool forest air whipped against
    my face and burned them. I felt as if I were stupidly sticking my head out the
    window of an airplane in flight. And, for the first time in my life, I felt the dizzy
    faintness of motion sickness.
    Then it was over. We'd hiked hours this morning to reach Edward's meadow, and
    now, in a matter of minutes, we were back to the truck.
    "Exhilarating, isn't it?" His voice was high, excited.
    He stood motionless, waiting for me to climb down. I tried, but my muscles
    wouldn't respond. My arms and legs stayed locked around him while my head
    spun uncomfortably.
    "Bella?" he asked, anxious now.
    "I think I need to lie down," I gasped.
    "Oh, sorry." He waited for me, but I still couldn't move.
    "I think I need help," I admitted.
    He laughed quietly, and gently unloosened my stranglehold on his neck. There
    was no resisting the iron strength of his hands. Then he pulled me around to face
    him, cradling me in his arms like a small child. He held me for a moment, then
    carefully placed me on the springy ferns.
    "How do you feel?" he asked.
    I couldn't be sure how I felt when my head was spinning so crazily. "Dizzy, I
    think."
    "Put your head between your knees."
    I tried that, and it helped a little. I breathed in and out slowly, keeping my head
    very still. I felt him sitting beside me. The moments passed, and eventually I
    found that I could raise my head. There was a hollow ringing sound in my ears.
    "I guess that wasn't the best idea," he mused.
    I tried to be positive, but my voice was weak. "No, it was very interesting."
    "Hah! You're as white as a ghost — no, you're as white as me!"
    "I think I should have closed my eyes."
    "Remember that next time."
    "Next time!" I groaned.
    He laughed, his mood still radiant.
    "Show-off," I muttered.
    "Open your eyes, Bella," he said quietly.
    And he was right there, his face so close to mine. His beauty stunned my mind
    — it was too much, an excess I couldn't grow accustomed to.
    "I was thinking, while I was running…" He paused.
    "About not hitting the trees, I hope."
    "Silly Bella," he chuckled. "Running is second nature to me, it's not something I
    have to think about."
    "Show-off," I muttered again.
    He smiled.
    "No," he continued, "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." And
    he took my face in his hands again.
    I couldn't breathe.
    He hesitated — not in the normal way, the human way.
    Not the way a man might hesitate before he kissed a woman, to gauge her
    reaction, to see how he would be received. Perhaps he would hesitate to prolong
    the moment, that ideal moment of anticipation, sometimes better than the kiss
    itself.
    Edward hesitated to test himself, to see if this was safe, to make sure he was still
    in control of his need.
    And then his cold, marble lips pressed very softly against mine.
    What neither of us was prepared for was my response.
    Blood boiled under my skin, burned in my lips. My breath came in a wild gasp.
    My fingers knotted in his hair, clutching him to me. My lips parted as I breathed
    in his heady scent.
    Immediately I felt him turn to unresponsive stone beneath my lips. His hands
    gently, but with irresistible force, pushed my face back. I opened my eyes and
    saw his guarded expression.
    "Oops," I breathed.
    "That's an understatement."
    His eyes were wild, his jaw clenched in acute restraint, yet he didn't lapse from
    his perfect articulation. He held my face just inches from his. He dazzled my
    eyes.
    "Should I… ?" I tried to disengage myself, to give him some room.
    His hands refused to let me move so much as an inch.
    "No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment, please." His voice was polite, controlled.
    I kept my eyes on his, watched as the excitement in them faded and gentled.
    Then he smiled a surprisingly impish grin.
    "There," he said, obviously pleased with himself.
    "Tolerable?" I asked.
    He laughed aloud. "I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know."
    "I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry."
    "You are only human, after all."
    "Thanks so much," I said, my voice acerbic.
    He was on his feet in one of his lithe, almost invisibly quick movements. He held
    out his hand to me, an unexpected gesture. I was so used to our standard of
    careful non-contact. I took his icy hand, needing the support more than I thought.
    My balance had not yet returned.
    "Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" How
    lighthearted, how human he seemed as he laughed now, his seraphic face
    untroubled. He was a different Edward than the one I had known. And I felt all
    the more besotted by him. It would cause me physical pain to be separated from
    him now.
    "I can't be sure, I'm still woozy," I managed to respond. "I think it's some of
    both, though."
    "Maybe you should let me drive."
    "Are you insane?" I protested.
    "I can drive better than you on your best day," he teased. "You have much
    slower reflexes."
    "I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it."
    "Some trust, please, Bella."
    My hand was in my pocket, curled tightly around the key. I pursed my lips,
    deliberated, then shook my head with a tight grin.
    "Nope. Not a chance."
    He raised his eyebrows in disbelief.
    I started to step around him, heading for the driver's side. He might have let me
    pass if I hadn't wobbled slightly. Then again, he might not have. His arm created
    an inescapable snare around my waist.
    "Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep
    you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't
    even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk," he quoted with
    a chuckle. I could smell the unbearably sweet fragrance coming off his chest.
    "Drunk?" I objected.
    "You're intoxicated by my very presence." He was grinning that playful smirk
    again.
    "I can't argue with that," I sighed. There was no way around it; I couldn't resist
    him in anything. I held the key high and dropped it, watching his hand flash like
    lightning to catch it soundlessly. "Take it easy — my truck is a senior citizen."
    "Very sensible," he approved.
    "And are you not affected at all?" I asked, irked. "By my presence?"
    Again his mobile features transformed, his expression became soft, warm. He
    didn't answer at first; he simply bent his face to mine, and brushed his lips
    slowly along my jaw, from my ear to my chin, back and forth. I trembled.
    "Regardless," he finally murmured, "I have better reflexes."


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      Current date/time is Fri Aug 18, 2017 2:37 pm